Solitary confinement

I occasionally participate in a blog group called GBE: Group Blogging Experience. This week's prompt is ALONE. Here's my take on it:

Being in a relationship has pros and cons, and so does being alone. After my divorce and cross-country move, I was thrilled to set up my new house as I saw fit. Terracotta colored walls, dark wood, antique embellishments... I finally had a 'girl' house. The pièce de résistance was my new bed: a cherry sleigh bed and super-comfy mattress. I was a woman unto myself.

That is, until I went to bed. How was it that I felt uncomfortable in my new, luxurious bed? I was more than physically comfortable under a thick down comforter, resting my head on fluffy pillows, and yet I felt uneasy. It took a week of sleepless nights to realize my problem: I had shared a bed with someone for one-third of my life. Even though my ex had traveled extensively for work, when we were married, I had 'my side' of the bed, and he had his. I didn't sell the marital bed until I sold the house and moved, and after that, I slept in my childhood bed at my parents' house for a month until I could get moved into a place of my own. This was the first time in my adult life that I had a big bed and no one with whom to share it.

I tried sleeping in the middle, sprawled out. It seemed a waste not to use the entire bed space. With no one stealing the covers or snoring, I should have been in bedtime bliss. But I wasn't. I would wake up every morning on my old 'side'. I could not get used to sleeping in the middle of the bed. I still can't. Sleeping alone in a large bed feels odd, like the universe is a bit off. To me, it almost feels ridiculous having all that space to myself. Superfluous. I guess it's imprinted on my brain or something.

I am still confined to a single side of the bed; however, I have a wonderful man who obliges my weirdness and willingly takes the other side. Funny thing is... now I can sleep on either side. We switch sometimes, depending on who hits the sack first. When I traveled to California in November, it was the first time bf and I had spent a night away from each other in over a year, and I had to revisit the big-bed issue at the hotel. I guess old habits die hard.

For me, sleeping alone in a large bed isn't enjoyable; it's solitary confinement.