I don't really like who I've become since I quit smoking. Really. This isn't some addict's rationalization for starting up again. I have no plans to resume smoking. I just don't like my attitude or behavior since I quit. I am a bitch. I am mean to the people I love. I've been quit for over a month now, so this isn't "getting off the juice" crabbiness. It's not PMS. I am just a bitch, and I am kind of disappointed in myself. I am seeing old relationship behaviors emerge in me, and I don't like it. I have been nagging and yelling. ICK! Who wants to be with someone who nags and yells? Who wants to be with someone who makes your life less pleasant? Not me. I don't even want to be with myself. I'm not saying "I'm a bitch" like it's some badge of honor. I'm embarrassed. I didn't realize how angry and mean and unhappy I was until I quit smoking. This can't be the real me, can it?
Maybe it's like the people who are more fun when they're drinking? My baseline personality sucks, but damn, give me a cigarette and I'm the coolest chick on the plant. Go figure.
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