Brain Dump

I miss blogging.  I hate facebook because my mom's on mine, and also, most of my friends are conservative bordering on nazis.  I need to vent, to brain dump, to get this out of my head so I can get to sleep.  Thanks for listening.

I was thinking about the state of things the other day, and a blogger friend of mine said something that gave me pause. I don't recall his exact words, so forgive me for the paraphrasing: "God never put food on my table. God didn't fix my broken furnace.  You keep praying and voting Republican, and I'll keep questioning authority."  I might not be so much into the questioning part, but I think he has a very valid point.  I challenge the neocons who think Obama is the devil to live paycheck to paycheck for awhile, hoping each day that your old beater of a car gets you to work and back.  Hoping that you make it on time to daycare to pick your kids up before they start charging you overtime fees.  Hoping that there are no birthday parties this month because you just can't spare the $10 for a gift.  Hoping that you don't spill your soup on your blouse at lunch because you can't afford to have it drycleaned until after payday.  Hoping that your kids don't have basketball games this week because you don't know if you have enough gas to drive them to the opposing team's gym.  Hoping that pain you've been having isn't serious because you can't afford a doctor visit.  Hoping your kid doesn't break his glasses because you can't afford new ones.  Yeah, so you get the point.  God doesn't put food on my table.  God doesn't fix my broken furnace.

I am so sick of everyone spouting off about how they are terrified of health care reform and basically anything the Democrats come up with.  I think TERRIFIED is the right word.  The Republicans are freaking the fuck out.  All I have to say to that is, "Welcome to the club. I've been shitting my drawers for the past 8 years over almost everything the Bush administration did.  Environment?  Trash it.  Welfare and social programs? Forget them.  Taxes?  Let's throw the masses a bone ("stimulus check") and placate them.  Corporations? Bow to them.  Gay marriage and abortion? Let's use them to distract people.  Real, middle class, working families?  Fuck 'em.

So yes, I've been waiting patiently for 8 long years to get some relief.  Welcome to my world, Conservatives.

I don't think anything gets accomplished when you're too far right or too far left, but there's a saying in politics that rings true:  when you walk down the middle of the road, you usually get run over.  It's a shame, really.  People vacate all reason and let their emotions rule them.  Sad indeed.  It's the people who think critically, the lawmakers who reach across the aisle, the independents of this world who usually have the most workable approach to solving problems, yet no one listens to them, or worse, they are labeled "flip floppers."

I live in a very red state.  Dyed in the wool RED.  I hear from lifelong friends about how petrified they are of this whole "Obama thing" and how they really BELIEVE the conservative pundits.  They really do think that we are all going to hell in a handbasket, and soon.  If you ever watch South Park, they did a fantastic satire of the Obama presidential victory.  The neocons were all holed up in a bunker with weapons, fearing doomsday.  I highly recommend checking out that episode.

I guess I would call myself a conservative Democrat.  It's not as dichotomous as you'd think.  It works for me.  I guess I don't fit the mold, but I am at peace with my beliefs.  I don't mind paying taxes because I like the fact that when I call 911, the police/fire/ambulance personnel actually come to my house and help me.  I have been on food stamps and medicaid, and I don't know what I would have done without it during that period of time.  I like having safe, plentiful drinking water, sewer service, electricity, and gas utilities.  I try to do little things to help the environment, but I'm no tree hugger.  I'll only buy organic produce when it's on sale, and I still like to drive my car.  Sometimes I get mad that minorities have a perceived advantage in hiring practices, but then I realize that no one will ever profile me as a terrorist or call me a racial slur just because I look different.  I give to charity, and more importantly, I involve my children in fundraising and helping others.  I don't go to church, but my kids attend Catholic school, and I actively encourage their studies of the bible.  You can't think critically if you don't have all the information.  I think abortion should be absolutely safe, legal, and available, but moreover, I think it's our responsibility to provide comprehensive sex education to kids and teens so they never need an abortion. It makes me sad that we don't use 1/10th of the technology available to us to produce vehicles and other industrial machinery that run on renewable/green energy.  We are trouncing our wildlife and natural environment in the name of mineral mining and unhealthy farming practices.  I believe in a strong military, and I think it's weak that we bow down to other countries and the UN.  Period.

I guess I could go on and on.  It doesn't have to be black and white, conservative or liberal.  And by the way, liberal isn't a dirty word.  I wish people would do a shot, let go of their fears, and realize that we're all pretty much the same.  Just because your neighbor Joe and his partner Bob are getting married, the world most assuredly isn't coming to an end.  Don't hide behind your fake beliefs in God and your fear to justify ruining the lives of others. If everyone out there used their energy to work toward solving our problems instead of pointing fingers and telling the other side how wrong they are, we could move mountains.

Enough is enough

My ex owes me $10,400 in back child support. Nice, huh? I had to apply for food stamps yesterday. Again. I applied for them a few months ago, but I was denied for too much income. Ha! That's a laugh... too much income. I had to go to the food bank the other day and stand in line for handouts. Tell me THAT wasn't a humbling experience. If we don't come up with enough rent money by the 15th, we'll probably get evicted. I want to kill that fucker.

To date, I've applied for 87 jobs, had three interviews, and received no offers. Employers aren't event offering a living wage anymore. They're lowballing potential employees simply because they can. That's unconscionable. People's bills didn't magically disappear. People with master's degrees are taking jobs for $14/hour. Are you kidding me?!?!?! How is an average joe supposed to compete in that type of market?

I can trim expenses, live frugally, and do without, but there are certain needs that must be met, and for the first time in my life, I do not know if I'll be able to take care of myself and my family. I can't sit here and think about it all day or I'd be crushingly depressed.

Not sure if you're the praying type, but if you are, please toss my name in the hopper. Send some good vibes, positive energy, whatever. I definitely need it.

Gimme a break

I got my umpteenth rejection letter/email today. Problem is, I really wanted this job. It paid well, and it was at a great company. I thought I'd at least get a callback for a second interview. WTF? It's like I have some invisible black mark on my forehead. No one will hire me. Oh wait, I'm mistaken... I got an offer for $10.50 and hour. Ten fucking dollars an hour! Are you serious? I made more than that in high school! Again, WTF? What is wrong with people? No one can live on $10.50 an hour. I have kids and bills. I need a job that pays what I'm worth. I am so pissed I could cry. The job I just got rejected from paid 50k. I have an interview on Thursday for a 30k job. Thirty thousand a year... that breaks down to around 14-15.00 per hour. It's so low, but I don't have any other options right now. I could just cry.

Where's my bailout?

So everyone is getting a bailout these days. The banking industry, the auto industry, even the porn industry is asking for a handout. Where's mine? Scratch that, where's my job? I've been looking for a job for, oh, going on 2 months now, and I have only had small nibbles. Seriously. This job market is in the crapper, and that's doubly bad for me. Not only am I failing to find gainful employment, but the prince is using the economy as a glorious excuse to mooch off his new wife and delay getting a job of his own. He got fired in August for being a jackass (read: fraud), and he's suing me to lower the child support. He already got the alimony nixed, and now he's chipping away at the child support. Fucknut. He doesn't want to feed his kids because he thinks I don't deserve his money. Nice, huh?

Anyway, because I can no longer afford school, it's back to work for me. I've been looking and looking, and frankly, I am getting nervous. Nothing is happening. No one is calling. No one is emailing. Money is running out. My boyfriend got laid off in December, and he can't find anything either. Not sure what we're going to do. I even tried to sell my eggs, but they want women who are 25ish, so I'm out. That would be an easy $5k.

If anyone has bright ideas, I'm all ears. I'm quickly coming to the end of my rope. Right now, though, this princess is headed to bed. We got 4" of snow tonight, so I'll be up early shoveling. Ciao!